


The Evening Inkopolis Show

by sitron



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Gen, Interview, Screenplay/Script Format, Squid Squad - Freeform, diss-pair - Freeform, nonbinary warabi, splatbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sitron/pseuds/sitron
Summary: The host of the Evening Inkopolis Show sits down with the fresh new music duo that's all the rage with the Rambuctious Youths to answer some of the public's burning questions.
Relationships: Ikkan & Warabi (Splatoon)
Kudos: 6





	The Evening Inkopolis Show

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts since like 2019 or even 2018 when I discovered Warabi's backstory. I think I originally wanted it to be a comic, so it's written in script format. (Which I've never uploaded anything in so if the formatting makes it unreadable please tell me and I'll fix it) Suddenly remembered it existed when I was trawling the internet for any splatbands content, figured I should post it to do my part for the splatbands fans. So here's my take on Diss-Pair, the chaotic funk/metal duo we all love.

FADE IN

INT. TALKSHOW STUDIO

The “Evening Inkopolis Show” logo hovers on the screen for a few seconds before fading away, revealing the jellyfish show host behind his desk and two tall cephalopods seated in a couch to his right.

HOST

[to the camera]

"Good evening, Inkopolis! I’m your host for the night, JELLIMY! And in the studio with me here I have two very special guests! Say hello to the hottest up-and-coming duo of the year: Diss-Pair!"

JELLIMY gestures to the duo. The crowd cheers. Warabi leans back in the couch, sticking their tongue out through a grin and holding up two peace signs. Ikkan stares out to the crowd with his trademark blank look, before nodding a little to acknowledge their presence. The cheering calms down.

JELLIMY

"Most of our viewers are probably already familiar with the bassist to my right, right? After a whole year out of the spotlight following the Squid Squad break up, Ikkan has finally popped back out from nowhere, on top of the charts, no less! Ikkan, tell us a bit about that, will ya?"

IKKAN blinks confused at JELLIMY.

IKKAN

"About…. about what… exactly?"

JELLIMY

"About your one year break! what did you do after the band disbanded?"

IKKAN

"Oh, I. Well, after our last tour, me and the squids all went our separate ways. It wasn’t sudden or anything, we’d all just… grown apart, you know? I know Namida got into this prestigious music school like she wanted…. and Ichiya is doing his solo career thing."

[mumbling] "I talked to Murasaki last week,"

IKKAN turns to WARABI.

IKKAN(contd.)

"What did he say he was doing again?"

WARABI

[uncertainly] "Dance?"

IKKAN

"Oh right, he joined a hip-hop crew recently. Hope that works out for him, [smiling a little] little guy has the energy for it, that’s for sure."

JELLIMY

"Right, right, good to know they’re all still going. But what about _you_? What did you do?"

IKKAN

"I, uh… Honestly, after we all disbanded I didn’t know what to do. I kept playing, of course, but I started looking into careers outside of music. Felt like after the high of Squid Squad, anything else would be a downgrade, you know? Plus, I was kind of burnt out from all the work. So I just kicked back for a year. Tried out some other things, got a day job at a car mechanic shop, played turf war in my free time, nothing too crazy."

JELLIMY

"I see… so what made you change your mind?"

IKKAN

"huh?"

JELLIMY

"you’re releasing singles rapid-fire, man! What made you get back into the business?"

IKKAN

"oh,"

IKKAN nods his head in WARABI's direction.

IKKAN(contd.)

"this guy, for sure."

WARABI

"I blew him away with my Sick Beatz"

[laughs]

IKKAN

"please don’t say that."

"but yeah, met Warabi, we started collabing, liked how it sounded, and now we’re working together for real"

JELLIMY

"Warabi! Tell us. Your SquidTube account appeared out of nowhere about half a year ago, and quickly went viral. Where have you been until now?"

WARABI

"Okay so, my parents were famous actors overseas. And they tried to protect me from the worst of it, so I attended a lot of boarding schools and stuff."

"Didn’t really get my chance to shine until they died."

JELLIMY clears his throat.

IKKAN makes an exasperated face at WARABI.

WARABI grimaces back and shrugs.

JELLIMY flips through his cheat cards.

JELLIMY

"I see, but do tell, how did you two bump into each other?"

WARABI

[grinning]

"totally by chance."

IKKAN

[blinks, shakes his head a little]

"ahem, yeah, I think someone linked me to one of your remixes?"

WARABI

"The Splattack one probably, that one got pretty popular"

IKKAN

"Yeah, right that was the one. They made this sick remix of splattack, inklings went wild for it, think some of them even got it playing during ranked battles one day"

WARABI

"RIGHT! that was _wild_ , stuff was totally violations of copyrights and battle rules and shiz. good times, ahaha"

IKKAN

"Yeah, yeah, so I liked what I heard, and I sent ‘em a message like: «hey I have this demo I don’t really know what to do with, wanna have a go at it?"

WARABI

"And he sent me this lame bass line with some lyrics. totally uninspired and depressing,"

IKKAN

[grinning] "Shut up, man"

WARABI

"And I transformed it into this totally fresh track"

JELLIMY

"That you’ve actually given us permission to play tonight, hold on to your hats, viewers, you’re about to hear the very beginning of diss-pair"

[music]

IKKAN is listening intently, tapping his fingers on his knee in sync with the bass line.

WARABI is bobbing up and down enthusiastically, lip-syncing with the lyrics and waving their fingers around.

JELLIMY looks like he’s trying to make sense of what he’s hearing.

[music ends]

JELLIMY

[turns to the camera]

that was... Intense. to say the least.

WARABI sticks their tongue out in the background.

IKKAN is giving his signature soulless look.

JELLIMY (contd.)

"And there’s more of that around the corner, right after this short break, so stay tuned, folks!"

FADE OUT

INT. BACKSTAGE BREAK ROOM

Warabi walks into the break room with their hands in their pockets and a grin on their face.

Ikkan follows right behind and shuts the door.

IKKAN

"Dude. what was that?!"

WARABI

"What was what?"

IKKAN

"Your insane backstory?"

WARABI

"You mean the one with a childhood of education, seeing the world, and cool parents?"

IKKAN

 _"Dead_ cool parents? you’re an orphan now?"

WARABI

"I mean…. I kinda am? that part’s not even a lie? I couldn’t exactly tell them the truth. You think being a former soldier in a totalitarian society and escaped war prisoner would be good press? You think the interviewer would like the idea of an almost brainwashed octarian being in their studio? You think I would enjoy everyone in the world knowing that about me? Everyone knowing the green in my tentacles are not an aesthetic choice? you think-"

IKKAN grabs WARABI’s arms, startling them enough to snap out of it.

IKKAN

"Hey, hey, calm down, we still gotta perform. Don’t go losing your marbles on me here."

WARABI takes a deep breath.

WARABI

"okay, okay…"

IKKAN

"I just- what was wrong with the cover story we made earlier?"

WARABI

 _"Amnesia_? Dude, it sucked! Famous parents are way cooler."

IKKAN

"Sure, but... it’s kinda suspicious, isn’t it?"

WARABI

"That’s why I threw all that other stuff in there. You got protective powerful parents to explain why I virtually do not exist, an estranged relationship so no one will feel comfortable asking about more details, and death to tie off the loose ends."

IKKAN thinks for a moment.

IKKAN

"huh. you’re a mad genius, you know that?"

WARABI

[grinning] "I know."

A JELLYFISH pops its head into the break room.

JELLYFISH

"Diss-Pair, we’re back on in 5."

IKKAN and WARABI both give a thumbs up.

JELLYFISH pops back out.

IKKAN

"Alright, if I’m going to be screaming my guts out out there in five, I need a glass of water. You good? Ready?"

WARABI

"Yeah, yeah. But I bet they set my mixer up all wrong out there, I’m gonna go check."

IKKAN

"Cool, cool, I’ll be right there."

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from my first reaction to Warabi's backstory which was: "That's boring and stupid. You're telling me This Guy comes from a rich family? Likely story...." and then the headcanon grew. Thanks for reading.


End file.
